Healing for the Black Women Who Came before Me

Black Women and Autonomy: An Introduction

We all have one person—maybe someone we don’t even know personally—who inspires us very much. Solange is most definitely that person for me. Watching her journey over the past few years doing the unimaginable and embarking on new creative realms in her life has been beautiful. Whenever she does something creative, I always think there’s no way for her to top that, but then she does something else that is completely mind-blowing. Solange never ceases to amaze me.

In moments like these, I reflect on myself—where I was before and now. I can vividly recall when I first discovered Solange: fourteen without the capacity, experience, or knowledge to fully understand her like I thought I did, versus being twenty-three now (as of today) and knowing what she meant for the very first time in A Seat at the Table after experiencing grief in a whole new way [first heartbreak]. It wasn’t until last year that I revisited this album and realized it wasn’t solely focusing on the Black experience or creating safe spaces, but it was also an ode to Black self-care and acceptance. We only nurture the beautiful parts of ourselves or the things we don’t mind showing off to the world, but this album highlighted making space and accepting every aspect of our being. Even the uncomfortable and ugly parts we keep running away from. During my time of great sadness and despair, I learned that all of your answers come from the act of stillness. We are always looking for someone or something to save us or give us answers when, in reality, nothing or no one is coming to save any of us. The people who’ve caused us a great deal of pain will not be the same people who heal us. Everything we are and need lives within us. Reflecting on my twenty-third year around the sun, I think about the two Black women who’ve influenced my life the most: my grandmother and Solange. 

Whenever I listen to discussions surrounding the concept or acts of autonomy, I only hear the term discussed with bodily rights or romantic relationships. Still, many other thoughts come to mind when considering what having control over my life or even what the lack of choices [freedom] looks like for a Black woman. Now that I am a little older and have a greater sense of the world, I view my grandmother differently. Just thinking about my options at twenty-three versus those my grandmother had at my age, autonomy has never been a concept or even a genuine opportunity for her. Black women have been conditioned to live a life that caters to everyone other than themselves and to conform in a way that is palatable for everyone else. My grandmother dedicated her entire life to taking care of her family, and regardless of the imperfections or my differences, she did everything the best way she knew how with all of the information and resources that were present to her during her time. Knowing all of the limitations and conditions, my grandmother has lived in her entire life not only makes me more gracious to her but also pushes me to honor her with any decision I make in my life down to my career, the partner I choose, decisions surrounding motherhood, or even my identity and how I present myself to the world. I am on this earth to re-live life for my grandmother and to live an autonomous one she never had but worked so hard for me to receive.

Solange Knowles

Over the past few years, Solange has taught me what the healing process can look (feel) like for Black women or how emotional highs and lows can exist simultaneously, but she has also shown me what personal autonomy looks like. Growing up, I thought I was only allowed to have one dream, and experiencing my childhood, people barely ever get to experience that very one dream. Through my healing journey and slowly returning to myself, I’ve learned that I don’t have to navigate life through my fears or traumas. I don’t have to tie myself to one occupation/identity or even conform to society or people’s idea of who they think I should be, even if it is safer. I’m grateful to Solange for showing me that I am allowed to explore every facet of my being. I can be a dancer one day, a doula, a curator, or maybe a mother next—I permit myself to act on all my desires and interests solely.

Many ideas came to mind when I considered introducing myself to this space, but the only way to know me truthfully is to know my grandmother because she is a part of me. I dedicate my first writing piece to the two Black women who have influenced me to be the beautiful person I am today. Through these two women, I’ve seen the spectrum of autonomy and what it looks like (or lack thereof) for Black women to live outside the ideas and expectations their community and the world pinned on them. Black women are more than mothers to their community or society; they are multidimensional, creative, and spiritual beings who deserve autonomy over their identities, truths, stories, dreams, and even the trajectory of their lives. I wish the world provided Black women a safe space to fully flourish and thrive in who they are or can be. Thank you, Grandma, for giving me a life completely different from yours and showing me I am worthy of all the beautiful things in this life, even if no one told you were. Hopefully, wherever we go after this life, we can meet again, and you can tell me how proud you are of me for living a life beyond imagination.

Thank you to the people, whether currently present in my life or not, who have inspired or pushed me to be where I am in this present moment, and to everyone who is following me on this new journey!!! Here are some more images of my beautiful grandmother from my photo archive. I love you all very much. Until next time.